Writing Sex

This is one of the last few stops on the month-long blog tour for "Best Sex Writing 2012."   I picked the date late in the month because...and here I'm being completely honest...I was worried I wouldn't be able to slog through it.  Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm not big on reading non-fiction.  I read two or three non-fiction books in a year, and, even then, those are usually part of a class list or for my book group.  The last time I picked up a similar anthology, I was so disturbed by the first article I read, I had to put it down.   I decided to join the blog tour for this particular book as a curative measure for that experience as much as any other reason.  Well, that and the fact that I have this impulsive need to raise my virtual hand whenever I see something of interest go by on my twitter feed.  Given my history with non-fiction, I wanted to have as much time as possible to get through the book and meet the obligation of posting for the tour in a timely matter.   I got my free PDF via the editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel, in the beginning of February and started to read it right away. 

I don't know what I was worried about.  From the moment I picked up the book, I was engaged.  Sure, there's a warning that this is "not a one-handed read," but I find there are hardly any non-fiction books that would be. I took a couple of weeks to read it so that I could let each piece have some private space in my head rather than plow through it in a couple of evenings--which would be entirely possible as it is that engaging.  The articles and essays cover a wide range of topics, and there's something in the book for everyone.  Even if you look at the table of contents and think, "Wow, I'm not sure I really want to read about that," you might be surprised that you're not only reading it, but nodding along in agreement.  The fact I "had" to read the book meant I read things like "Adrian's Penis: Care and Handling" by Adrian Colesberry in spite of the fact that I'm pretty sure I don't want to have much to do with Adrian's penis.  If I had skipped that little piece based solely on the title, I would have missed out on one of the most delightful reads in the book.  I still don't want much to do with his high-maintenance member, but his style and wit are fun and shouldn't be missed.

While some stories wanted me to jump up and write an angry letter to my senators and congresspeople, others had me chortling with subversive delight.  (I read a lot when sitting with my children as they do their homework.  E-readers are handy that way.)   There is a nice balance of the serious and the humorous without anything being trite or hyped up.  Bussel also did a fine job selecting stories that didn't get much focus or attention but should have.

Just a couple of highlights that I find particularly meaningful to me....

In her essay Why Lying about Monogamy Matters, Susie Bright says, "When young adults, past puberty, remain sexually inexperienced with their peers, it is because of dysfunction, not virtue."   As the mother of a teen-aged girl, I am always happy to see sex-positive messages geared toward youth.  I am weary of the finger wagging, anti-sex messages that populate the mainstream media outlets, and would like to see Bright's message that sex is normal on the front page of every newspaper in the country.  It's not likely to happen any time soon, but a girl can dream.   

In the midst of the recent PayPal scandal (there's some fodder for next year's compilation), a lot of people have come down hard on transgressive erotica--even other erotica writers.  I'm not sure if this stems from the fear is that by condoning transgressive erotica, their own work will come under scrutiny, or just from a generalized sense of 'eeuw.'   However, in spite of all that has been written about the why's and why not's of reading, writing, or enjoying erotica that involves rape, bestiality, or incest--or whatever it is that seems to send a lot of people squiggling away--I haven't been able to mold my thoughts into an 'elevator summary' of the argument.  Not until, that is, I read Rachel Kramer Bussel's essay, Penis Gagging, BDSM, and Rape Fantasy:The Truth About Kinky Sexting.  In it she says, "The point of fantasies is that they come from somewhere that isn't always logical or rational."   It's sort of a "well, duh!" moment, but I've spent too much time trying to rationalize or put some sort of logic to fantasy.  I've struggled in explaining to my daughter why it's okay for her to be confused about the fact she is a strong, confident young woman who harbors tendencies toward male ravishment in her fantasy life.  The cognitive dissonance is resolved when no longer being forced into a rationality.   It's time to just give in and let the fantasies be what they are and stop over thinking them.  

You can buy the book at Amazon here.  Or, you can find links to other formats including Nook, and other smaller, less Amazon-like sites can be found here.

"Have I've read more erotic or arousing stories? Yes. Have I read more brutal and severe stories? Yes. But have I read a story that conflicted me more, that made me sit with an almost painful and sad feeling on my chest and think about it after reading it? No. Gaijin pulled a deep emotional response from me, an uncomfortable feeling that I would find beauty in its darkness. Gaijin is many things: dark, poetic, smart, and brutal, but most of all, confusing."

Today is the last day of the blog tour for Voyeur Eyes Only.  Here's a link to the last stop along the tour.  As I read what Jade Melisande had to say this morning, I found myself wanting to go to another conference.  It's not that I want to hit Vegas again, it's more that I want to find myself surrounded by all these wonderful writers I met and get another jolt of that "camaraderie" I felt while there.   Being in a world populated by people who share my world is...simply...wonderful.  Until the next conference though, I'll have to make do with the internet connections I'm making over Facebook and Twitter.  Each day, I add new friends and connections to my erotic world.  

In my every day life, I'm careful about how I share what I do.   People tend to respond in one of two ways.   Either they are interested and  use my gentle opening as an opportunity to share their enthusiasm, or they are clearly not and change the subject.  One friend, who is likely reading this post, said, "Oh, I love erotica.  Read it all the time."  Another friend, without hearing the details about the explicit nature of what I write literally began to back away from me.  The look on her face was a mixture of confusion, shock, and clear disgust.  (And that was without me being at all specific.)   This friend is rather...erm...on the uptight end of things generally and one of those feminists who think SLUT Walks are not a good idea.   It was clear she did not want any details, and I wasn't going to hand them over.  We talk about other things.  

However, I do, very often have people ask what my nym is.  Most recently my mom's sister asked me to share it with her.  We had talked at our family reunion about writing, and I had told her rather quietly that I was writing erotica.  (And, I do hope you're reading this right now, my dear aunt--because YOU ROCK!)  After posting something nebulous on Facebook like "Another story accepted--Woot!" she asked me to share my work with her.  So, I sent her this basic message, just so we were clear:  

So, here's the thing. I don't share my pen name with people unless they promise to the following rules of engagement and understanding.

1. do not share my pen name further --even if someone claims to have known it but just forgotten about it--always refer whoever is asking directly back to me.
2. That if you read my work you must understand it is FICTION and that husband and I are NOT the characters in the story
3. Just because I might write something convincingly does not mean I have actually done the thing I am writing about.
4. I write about a wide range of sexual activities in graphic detail--this is not "throbbing manhood" and "Pulsing heat" it's "Thrusting cock into moist wet pussy" sort of writing. Sometimes it involves ropes, leather, anal sex, group sex, lesbian sex, gay sex, and the like.

So, if you are STILL thinking you will be okay with all of THAT, I'll send you links to my website and the one book that is currently out. 

I am just cautious on this because I have some fairly close personal friends who have spoken out against this kind of writing as being anti-feminist. What they don't seem to be willing to hear is that the majority of erotica is written by women for women. 

Her response was one that had me willing to send her my links and trust her with my pen name.    I hate to admit this, but I could NEVER have shared what I do with my mother.    Our only direct discussion about sex happened when I was ten when she handed me a pamphlet about menstration (pink) and a pamphlet about sexuality (blue).  She asked me to read them and then ask if Ihad any questions.  She added that she thought sex was wonderful, but it was like the icing on a cake.  The cake, a loving relationship, had to be there to support the icing.   At age ten, that just confused me a little bit.   I was picturing something similar to the image at the top of this post.  Sex on cake?  What?  (Oh...new story idea!)  Anyway...I can hardly ever eat cake without a smile on my face because cake has forever and inextricably been connected to sex in my mind.  I get what she was saying, but I also think icing is just fine on it's own.

Did I mention my aunt is going to be seventy-eight this year?  I love that she's not judgmental, that she's still interested in reading about sex, and just such a cool person.  I miss my mom tremendously, but I feel grateful to have my dear aunt in my life.

(Note: The Image above is from here.)

If you haven't heard about the new Paypal policy and the major controversy that surrounds it, you would do well to read about it. The  Electronic Frontier Foundation's article has a pretty clear and succinct summary of the situation.  As far as I can tell, the author of that article is not an erotica author, nor does she appear to have any vested interest in the subject.    

The general consensus is that Paypal's new policy and the reasons they give for it is nothing more than a cover for puritanical censorship.  Erotica writers have been quick to cry foul and claim persecution and vendors who are tied to Paypal have been split between pointing their fingers (albeit with their hands supposedly tied behind their backs) and openly coming out with some sort of quasi-moral statements in support of the new policy.  

One of the most eloquent bloggers on the subject is Remittance Girl.  Her posts here, here, and here cover the topic in great depth and with careful analysis.   The comments and discussion that follow make for interesting, thoughtful reading.

If it were about the money, Paypal and the vendors like Smashwords would rally together to ensure the distribution of the works in question rather than squelch them. Database technology is advanced enough that it would be entirely possible for Paypal to work with vendors through some sort of verification system to develop an adult purchase vetting process.   When I buy a sex toy online, I get a big huge warning that says "Sex toys are not refundable under any circumstance whatsoever.  ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE."   Would it really be so hard to do this with an e-book with taboo contents?  "This book contains graphic depictions of rape, bestiality, or other content (okay, the lawyers can mess with the wording on that.)  No return credit will be granted under any circumstances."   So, seriously, Paypal etal if you want me to think it's about the money, you need to try a little harder.

If it were about the money, you'd be working harder to please the customers, i.e. the readers. The consumers of taboo erotica are out there. Take a look at the graphic above.  On Elliquiy, the roleplay forum I frequent, the largest roleplaying board is "NC: Human-Freeform Solos."  After socializing, non-concensual roleplay is the biggest thing happening over there.  Within the top ten, in fact, are two non-con boards and the extreme board.  I do believe that says something.  There is a market out there, and it's way bigger than people think it is.  

The unfortunate thing I see in all of this, is that the typical reader of taboo Erotica is not very likely to stand up and protest this sort of censorship.  It takes a great deal of courage and fortitude to do so.  I can't even begin to count how many times people join Elliquiy and express their delight at the non-judgmental nature of the forums.  I hear how people have been so afraid and ashamed of their fantasies that they can hardly even admit to them on a closed, adult forum.  It's akin to coming out of the closet. Openly admitting to fantasies that broach sexual taboos carries a huge social burden.  I don't honestly see readers openly protesting Paypal in defense of their often hidden and shame-inducing reading materials.  

I don't know what the solution is.  If I were an entrepreneur, however, I would be finding a way to start a new business called "Freedom To Purchase What I Want With My Money, Thank YOU" to go head to head with Paypal.  The name might need to be a little more marketable and shorter to stuff it into an easy box for clicking, but seriously, where is the competition with some cojones?    

EDIT:  Given some further reading...particularly this response by Mark Coker, founder of Smashword, I will just say, that someone, somewhere along the line, has to stand up to the banks and funding institutions that are supposedly behind the whole mess.  It begs the question, whose IDEA was the ban and what was really behind it?  I seriously doubt the returns on erotica sales is much of a blip on the radar. 

I hate to admit this, but I'd never heard of a book blog tour before July 2011.  I was at the Pacific Northwest Writer's Association annual conference and decided--almost on a whim--to attend a talk on blog tours.  I had started blogging (both here and under my 'real nam') a while ago, but considered blogging primarily an exercise in procrastination.  If I didn't feel like editing or writing, I'd go make a blog post.  I try hard to keep things topical on this site--either related to sex, issues about sex or writing sex.  On my other blog I am all across the board writing about cooking, reading, knitting and parenting.  It's not focused, and I don't really care so much.  

I walked into the workshop thinking it would be about how author's need to create their platforms, to blog about 'their work' and to create a connection between them and their readers.  I was surprised to learn about this marketing thing that's been happening under my nose for years.  I've read dozens of book blog tour posts without even realizing that is what I was reading.  It was more than a little obvious, within a few minutes from the start of the class, I had seen dozens of blog tours without actually recongizing them for what they were.  And, as a previous marketing professional, I felt a little silly for not having some sort of intuitive notion about the power of the blog tour.

I think everyone is familiar with old style "book tours."  The author travels around the country visiting books stores, does readings, signings, radio and television spots.  Very well known and higher profile authors get spots on nationally syndicated shows, but most authors don't get that kind of publicity.  The Holy Grail of television used to be Oprah Winfrey's book club.  This kind of tour is difficult to organize, hard to fund and exhausting.  I don't know exactly how blog tours evolved over time, but they have become a standard way of promoting a new book either in lieue of a traditional tour or in addition to it.   And, they are the perfect venue for marketing anthologies.

And of course, I'm going to plug the anthology you've already seen mentioned on this blog,   Voyeur Eyes Only. The blog tour started on February 14th and here's a link for  the entire blog tour schedule . 

I'm the guest blogger over at this blog today.   

I’m a sucker for calls for submissions with themes.  It’s like being in a writing class and getting a fun prompt.  Here’s a theme…on your mark…get set….WRITE!   As a matter of fact, I keep stickies all over my computer for various anthology prompts as a quick entry into writing.  If I am ever stuck on something I am trying to do, I look at a writing call for submission as a way to get me to write about 'something.'   

Essemoh Teepee  announced an anthology open only to authors attending the first Erotic Association Authors  convention in Las Vegas last September at the closing party.  The idea was really simple and fun:

Imagine you are a guest of the towering Skylane Hotel.  It affords the best views of the Las Vegas Strip, including hotel rooms of all the most famous Las Vegas hotels.  That's right, you're a voyeur with a very powerful telescope and can see into the hotel windows of any of the other famous hotels that surround the Skylane.  Take your inspiration from such famous hotels as the ornate Bellagio, Paris, the hotel that started it all, The Flamingo, the new and naughty Cosmopolitan, the Wynn, etc.

The only restriction is that all the sexy action must be able to be seen through the telescope at the Skylane.  Otherwise, the sky's the limit: straight, gay, menage, who knows, there might even be a vampire or two.
 

I had a couple of ideas pop into my head right away.  I am, by nature, more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist, so it was fun to turn the table and develop a character who gets off on displaying herself to an imagined audience. 

I am still a baby in the erotica market. In fact, this collection contains my first published  short story (I have self-published elsewhere, and have other work 'accepted' but not finalized yet.)   I am honored and delighted to be found in such quality company my first shot out the gate.  I'm including the table of contents with a links to most of the other authors in the collection so you can check them out.   

The proceeds from the sales of the book will be donated to help fund  the Erotica Authors Association Conference.  You can purchase the book at Amazon.  The audiobook will be available on February 14th.  A fun audio teaser can be found here.  

UPDATE:  The audio version is now available at Audible!

I picked up January's issue of Veg News on a whim while at the grocery store the other day. I was flipping through the magazine when I saw an advertisement screaming "Vegan Sex."  My attention was immediately focused.  I've been relating 'eating a vegan diet" to, well, food and not much else.  I sometimes forget there is this whole other environmental and animal sensitive thing going on with "Vegans." The ad that caught my attention was for The Sensual Vegan.   

It had never occurred to me that there were vegan considerations when it comes to sex.  I mean, for me it's all about the food.  I have leather seats in my car and wear shoes made of leather.  The idea of not using other animal products isn't something that really crossed my mind. But, for a lot of my friends who identify as "Vegan" this is something that they probably think about.  Many Vegans eschew products that are composed of or use animal products in their manufacture.  Some go so far as to not eat honey because, well, bees are somehow exploited in the process.  

I've mostly got a bemused head-scratching thing going on.  Most condoms contain some amount of casein, a protein derived from milk.  Many lubes contain the dairy-derived enzyme lactoperozidase.  The Sensual Vegan offers   Many Vegans don't use birth control pills because they're tested on animals.  You'd think there would be some sort of population boom given the lack of easily accessible Vegan-friendly birth control products out there. 

Moving into the toys section, the site sells a small variety of phthalate-free silicone toys.  I'm guessing the phthalate-free note has more to do with correlated Vegan-oriented environmentally friendly issues because phthalates are not an animal product or by product. 

The Vegan Sex Shop sells a larger variety of items than the Sensual Vegan does, including my favorite LELO brand of vibes.  Both sites donate proceeds to charities.  The first lets you choose amongst a variety that include PETA, Human Rights Campaign, Code Pink and Vegan Outreach.  You get to choose the charity of your choice with each item.  The Sensual Vegan site donates a percentage of sales to Scarleteen a site that reaches teens with sane sex advice.

When it comes to bondage gear, VeganErotica has a broader selection than either of the other two online stores.  This shop sells things made out of"Lorica", a synthetic leather imported from Italy.  Their bondage gear looks to be several steps more esthetically pleasing than either of the other two sites. They also sell the Lorica in bulk--so you can buy it and make things yourself--as well as some of the hardware.  (The photo on this post is one of the sets sold at VeganErotica.)

I also googled "Vegan Sex" and discovered a whole movement that I am not really interested in being a part of.  Try it yourself, you might find it an interesting search.  

Welcome to the blog tour for Women in Lust, Rachel Kramer Bussel's latest sex-filled anthology from Cleis Press.

I’m fairly open about the fact I write erotica under a pen name.   I don’t generally share what it is because I feel some of the subjects I write about are on the edge of societal norms, and I have children who don’t want to be associated with a mom who writes ‘that kind of stuff.’   One day I was at church—yes, church—and I said something oblique about my pen name.   A friend of mine gave me this look and said she had a pen name, too.   Hers is ‘Brandy Fox,'  and her first foray into erotica is published in Women In Lust, the latest anthology edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

When I raised my internet hand to host the blog tour for the new book, it seemed that interviewing my friend was the obvious thing to do. 

CC:  Brandy, you told me this is your first ever attempt at writing erotica.   I’d like to offer my congratulations at making it into an anthology of this quality the first time out the gate. Why did you decide to try your hand at erotica?

BF:  Thanks! I am delighted to be included in RKB’s anthology. I’ve written and published for many years under my real name—mainly essays, poetry and young adult fiction. The idea of writing erotica, however, was the last genre on my mind. I hardly ever read erotica and I’m pretty shy when it comes to sex. But there are certain similarities between myself and Brooke in Unbidden, one of them being that when I hit forty, my libido went a little wacko. Okay, that’s putting it mildly. Around ovulation time every month, I would think about sex 24-7. Being a busy mom of two young boys and married to a man whose libido was not accelerating the way mine was, I found this a bit distracting. I confided in a friend and she suggested I write some erotica to channel the energy. At the website for the Erotica Readers and Writers Association,  I found a long list of calls for submissions. It was great to have a specific theme to write to, as well as a deadline. The writing was clunky at first, but after reading a lot of erotica—for research, of course—I got in the groove and found myself enjoying erotica more than any other writing!

CC:  Brooke, the main character in your story, is almost out of control with her sexual desire.  What made you have her stop the scene in the bathroom?  Was it to send a message?  If so, what is it?

BF: I set out to write a complex story about a middle-aged woman’s lust that would turn me on, not to write a story that would send a message. Brooke’s fantasies about being with another man turned me on. Ending up in a bathroom at a party with a man she’d always found hot turned me on. But ultimately, the advances of a stranger turned me—and Brooke—off, and the thought of her husband’s trust and utter devotion turned both of us on. For me, love and lust and trust are inseparable. My favorite stories in Women in Lust are the ones where the partners have developed trust, such as Guess by Charlotte Stein and Queen of Sheba by Jen Cross. The stranger-connections are hot, but just don’t turn me on personally. I know that for many, this isn’t the case.

Emerald put it well in her review of Women in Lust. She explains that while in some of the stories, lust was an overwhelming motivator, sometimes it wasn’t. “…and there was nothing less hot about those times. On the contrary, these were complex characters, so the story was often not just about unconsidered obedience to a sexual drive—Women in Lust included discerning, aware choosing where lust was concerned. To me this was epitomized in Brandy Fox’s Unbidden."

CC:  In another stop along this blog tour, Flightless says, “There's even one story ("Unbidden" by Brandy Fox; do we think that's her real name?) that ventures wonderfully into seldom-charted territory -- this reader can remember only one other story, by Michael Chabon, that dared to do this: it describes hot, intimate, passionate sex between two people who are married -- to each other.”   Did you know you were being daring by having hot sex between married people?  What’s your take on that?

BF: My first reaction to this quote is, Uncharted territory?! Are you serious?! But here’s what’s scary: “Flightless” is absolutely correct. Now that I’ve read a lot of erotica, I see the gaping hole where sex between married partners should be. My goal is to fill that hole, no pun intended. As a matter of fact, I have written a story where a married couple not only has hot sex, but has it in the same room as their two young kids who are so hypnotized by a movie they have no idea it’s going on. Their sex is playful, and very much influenced by their immersion in the world of raising kids, but that doesn’t make it any less erotic. I would not call myself daring. Again, I’m just trying to write unique stories that turn me on, and that includes long-term, committed partners making sex a priority.

By the way, I’m completely flattered to be compared to Michael Chabon. From what I’ve read, he and his wife Ayelet Waldman have made sex a high priority in their relationship. Hot hot hot!

CC:  One of the things I found interesting is that Brooke has gone through some effort to tighten and firm her body and to become more ‘attractive’ physically.  What effect do you think this has on her vs. her husband and then her sex life?    Do you think the story would have changed significantly if she hadn’t gone through the transformation?  And, how does her mental transformation parallel that of her physical?

BF: Research—and my own experience—shows that there is a connection between weight loss, physical activity and increased libido. In Unbidden, the attention Brooke gives to her appearance and her sex drive excites her husband. I think anyone whose spouse feels more confident and sexy would be attracted to that. For Brooke, her transformation at age 40 lifted her out of the post-baby-raising slump many new parents fall into. Once out of that slump, feeling sexier than she had ever felt before and therefore acting sexier, she was more likely to attract people to her and end up with a near-stranger’s knee pressed seductively into her groin.  So yes, I think her story would have been different if she hadn’t had that transformation. Different in what way? I’m not sure.

CC: Now for the image that had me laughing in conspiratorial glee…The carrot.  I know I have grown a few Italian Zucchinis that had me wanting to pop a condom on them. The notion that anything remotely phallic shaped would send a woman into lustful overdrive is not likely new to women, but the fact you actually wrote about it the way you did is something I haven’t seen before.   I think many women aren’t going to mention stuff like that over coffee at Starbuck’s or while out to dinner with friends.  Why did you include it in the story? 

BF: One of the things I love about writing erotica is that so many of the stories are about just that—stuff you don’t mention over coffee at Starbucks. (Although writing erotica has definitely made me more comfortable talking about sex, even in Starbucks). I included the carrot “scene” in the story for two reasons: 1) Precisely as you said above, it is hardly a new thought to women, yet it’s somehow shocking to say it out loud; 2) To illustrate Brooke’s “unbidden” libido. She’s so horny she can’t even stay away from phallic-looking vegetables as she cooks for her family.

CC:  My husband is very selective in what he will read when it comes to my erotic writing.  I know his taste well enough to not show him the things that will squigg him out.  Does your husband read your erotica work?   What’s his reaction to it?

BF: Just to illustrate how shy I used to be about sex—and in many ways I still am—I’ll tell you that it was a HUGE deal to show my husband my first erotica story, which was Unbidden. I waited to show him when we’d have some private time together, assuming it would turn him on so much he’d attack me right then and there. Well, it turns out a story about a woman getting hit on by a man who is not her husband doesn’t turn him on. Since then, I’ve shown him other stories that are easier for him to read, but they never get him immediately horny or anything. I write erotica for women, so the stories just don’t do it for him. One huge benefit to writing erotica, though, has been an increased comfort in communication about sex with my husband. As expected, it’s improved our sex life immensely.

Women In Lust is easily available in print or on Kindle at Amazon.  

More about the editor, Rachel Kramer Bussell, can be found here.

I can state emphatically and with pride that my seventeen year old knows all about the proper use of a condom.  Every teen should be so lucky, but I'm not the one who taught her how to use them.  She learned the Ten Steps To Condom Use a few years ago in her junior youth group at church as they went through the Our Whole Lives curriculum.  As a junior in High School she is in the midst of the High School portion of the curriculum.  A couple of weeks ago, one of the leaders casually challenged all the youth to go procure their own condoms during the week-- preferably that they purchase them and not pilfer them from parents or friends.

My daughter took the assignment with her usual positive aplomb and approached a girlfriend after school to head over to a local drug store after school.  Mind you, my daughter attends school in the down town of a fairly large city and the local drug store for her really amounted to one of those somewhat sleazy mini-marts with two choices of condoms.  She and her friend linked arms, picked the cheapest package--their only criteria--and she bought her first pack of condoms.  On the bus ride home, her friend admitted to never having seen a condom before. 

My daughter, being who she is, opened the package of two and handed one to her friend, right there on the bus, and then she proceeded to give her a brief lesson in proper condom usage.  I don't know what the other adults on the bus saw or might have thought about this exchange, but I for one, would have been listening in.  No one ever gave me the ten steps to condom use.  I had to learn about things hit and miss.  When I was eighteen, I relied on condoms in spite of lack of proper knowlledge and relying on my partner to do everything right.  Knowing Step Number Nine could have saved me a half hour of fishing around my cervix looking for a seemingly lost condom and several weeks of stress.  (Yes, certain lessons are hard learned, but I'm glad my kid knows some of the rules ahead of the hands-on experience.)    It's interesting what kids bring home these days.  I can guarantee I'm listening.  

I saw an author I respect recently say something about how she's always writing a novel so NaNoWrimo has no meaning for her.  I think that's awesome for her.  And, I hope to get to the point, some day, that I can dismiss NaNoWriMo entirely from my life as something quaint and of the past.  I can see what she's saying though. An artificially imposed month for writing a novel is something for amateurs, for people who do it for the fun of it once a year without any pretense at publishing other than maybe some lofty dreams.  For people who are attempting to make a living at writing professionally, it does seem  superfluous.  Shouldn't you always be writing, if you are a writer? 

I'm still a newb when it comes to this whole author thing.  I've submitted work under this name and my "real life name" and have yet to make any money at it.  I have one story that is tentatively accepted for an anthology under this name, and a few others "out in the world under consideration" by various publications and editors.  The waiting process can feel excrutiating.  The latest periodical I sent a story to said that it could take between 184 and 368 days to respond.  Seriously?  Thankfully, most places are cool with multiple submissions.  Frankly, I WANT my story to appear in THAT periodical though, so I will wait to send it elsewhere.  It's okay to have it sitting out there in the interwebvoid for a while.  They promise they will respond, and I've already received their online confirmation, so I can be patient.

I have a list of deadlines for erotic anthologies that I am working my way through, I've promised a review for a book I am still reading, and am going to host the blog tour for a new Cleis anthology at the end of this month.   So, why, if I'm pretty busy writing, do I "do NaNoWriMo," particularly when I have plenty of unfinished novels waiting for my attention?  Simply put, it's training.  I'm not very good at keeping up with schedules and daily writing. Oh, I try.  And I do write every day, but I am easily distracted by things.  For example, instead of working on my novel, I am blogging.  I am doing this simply because I didn't know a fact that I was trying to write about and turned away from the story for a diversion. One thing led to another, and I though, "Oh...blog post."

I'm going to concentrate more on the novel this year.  It turns out that I stumbled onto a pretty solid plot-line, and I've started to fall in love with my main character.  It's not an erotic novel, though, so I won't be talking much about it here.  Just know that my next blog post is likely to be the book tour post on November 30th.   And, now, back to some focused writing on that NaNo thing.