Masturbation Month Blues

At the beginning of the month, I thought, “Oh, hey, It’s May, so I ought to do a little fun blog post to celebrate Masturbation Month.”  My first question was, do people still celebrate this? And the second was, How did it come up anyway? 

If you’ve never heard of it before, don’t feel too alone in the world.  I first heard of it a few years ago, but it’s still not something I bring up lightly at a dinner party.    “Hey, it’s May, how’s the masturbating going for you?” doesn’t pop out of my mouth easily.  Neither does, “Hey, I found this totally cool Lelo vibe that gets me off in about ten seconds, it’s great.”   And therein might lie the problem.  I write erotica, I spend hours of my day thinking about sex, and I still feel the need to be circumspect in my conversation with others.  I am, clearly, not alone.  And yet, I KNOW almost everyone masturbates.

A little bit of history:  Masturbation month was first celebrated in May of 1995 as a response to Surgeon General Dr. Jocelyn Elders being fired for saying that “Masturbation is something that perhaps should be taught” as part of safe sex education.  I’m not sure celebrating it ever gained a lot of traction across the American populace.  After all, it seems like it should be about as necessary as celebrating “Pick your nose Month.”  It’s something everyone does while maybe not talking too much about it.  What’s the big deal?

Why then, am I posting this so near the end of the month?  I started doing research on masturbation at the beginning of the month and got caught up in doing a lot of reading.  And then, for a long time, I fell into a deep funk once I started reading some of the hate-filled sites and blogs that are out there.  My first response was amusement…really? People still think this is a problem?  That shifted, however, after reading just how vitriolic some people are about the subject.  This basic fact has me bummed me out for weeks:

There are people…in 2012…who still believe there is something wrong with masturbating.

What’s worse, is that they seem to think that not only should they not masturbate, they think others shouldn’t either.  

Here’s one example of the nonsense I am finding:

The truth is that a woman‘s sexuality doesn’t truly emerge until she has regular sex with her husband, someone who is committed to her welfare and being. Its a truth that feminists loathe, but can’t get away from and be happy.


I know. It’s hard to believe that people are saying stuff like that in this day and age.   It certainly has me blinking with WTF screaming in my head.  Sex with the man is awesome and wonderful, but it’s different than masturbating.  No man  (or other person, male or female) is going to give me the same kind of orgasm as I can give myself.  It’s like oral providing a different sensation than actual intercourse–not to mention the different sensations found in different positions, but I digress.   I’m the type of gal who enjoys it all and likes the variety.  And, yes,  I masturbate regularly.  And, my husband does too.  And, we even know that the other masturbates.  Sometimes, *GASP* we even masturbate together!  (Sorry, honey, I know you just love it when I over share.) 

It’s no surprise that these same people who think sex with the husband brings out a woman’s sexuality are anti-gay, anti-choice, anti-woman, anti-sex, and anti-anything-that-doesn’t-fit-into-their-ignorant-tiny-world-view.    You’d think these folks would be happy to get their hands on chastity belts again.   It’s the same mind-set that has a number of states declaring hand holding as a gateway sexual activity. 

However, in spite of all this crazy, ignorant moral-indignation, I found a bright light that has pulled me out of my depression.  I was telling my daughter that I had started to write something for Masturbation Month but got caught up in this sense of hopelessness when encountering this type of anti-masturbation rhetoric. My daughter pointed out that people in her generation don’t have the same hang-ups as those in “my generation.”  She added that even her more conservative friends are much more open to talking about masturbating.   She has had conversations with her friends about this, and assures me that none of them think that hair is going to grow on their palms.  Her take on it is that masturbation has kept her (and others she knows) from seeking out sexual partnerships at a time in her life when she doesn’t need the complication of sex in relationships.  Booyah!   My daughter is living proof that full-disclosure sex-education trumps “abstinence-only” programs that only tell partial truths.  Statistics show that teenagers who have a complete knowledge and understanding of sexuality are less likely to have sex or partake in risky sexual behavior and are less likely to have early pregnancies than their counterparts who are kept in the dark.  

Masturbation deserves a month of celebration. Hell, it deserves a lifetime of celebration! 

Time to do some catching up, then, if you’re behind in self-pleasuring this month!  (And if you think masturbating is evil, then FINE, don’t masturbate, but get out of my pants.  You wouldn’t know what to do in there anyway.)



Saving Room For Sex

A friend of mine linked this article on her Facebook page on Thanksgiving day. I went back to look for it and she’d taken it down. Apparently, someone said something to her about how shocking it was that she had posted it. It makes me sad to think that a married woman who commented, “Keeping the man healthy works for me” as a response to this article felt compelled or embarrassed to take it down.

Apparently men who have three orgasms a week, either through intercourse with an other or by masturbating, are healthier than men who do not. The link between orgasm and health is symbiotic, healthier men have more orgasms, and that makes them healthier. I’d imagine that another author might have taken a time to ask the question, “Does this also hold true for women?”

The link between health and sex seems obvious to me. When my mom died way too young, I made some changes in my life. At the outset it was merely to become healthy and live longer. I do Pilates, work out at the gym lifting weights and cardio, and eat way better than I used to. As a result, I became much more interested in sex. The Pilates was great for flexibility and balance–I can wrap my legs around my husband’s neck and actively enjoy the position. Being stronger, fit and more trim makes sex more enjoyable…things simply feel better.

What bugged me most about this article are the inane comments that followed it. A number focused on the photograph with the article–about the lack of wedding rings and the mixed race of the couple. I thought we were living in 2010, not Victorian England. Sheesh.


I’ve got four days left to finish my NaNoWriMo gig. The post below contains an active link to the NaNoWriMo site so it’s got an accurate word count on it. The story is going along rather well for me. I’m finding the need to do research in the midst of writing a bit of a hindrance, and a great procrastination technique. I’m writing in two distinct eras and am finding the research into 16th Century Venetian sex moires fascinating. The number of whores in Venice were far greater than any other female profession or position. The sex toys were limited by technology, but bone, wood,ivory, leather and metal were all used. The wood and possible splinters sort of squigg me out a bit, but people used what they had.

Using believable terminology for the era is important to me as a writer. It would make no sense for a woman in 1599 to write a diary entry that used the terms Sadist or Masochist. I found myself spending an hour reading about Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch. The things I never learned in school….

Busy Writing Sex

In the next couple of weeks I’ll be posting my first story on TingleMedia. It’s a new website that I think you will find fun. You buy stories that are sent to you on your wireless device. Since I’m busy working on this shorty story, I haven’t spent as much time here, writing about writing sex as much as I’ve spent actually writing. I’ll be sure to post here when the story is up and ready for you to purchase. And, yes, purchase. Each story is 69 cents, so how fun is that? A little tidbit I wanted to share now, since there is still a week left of masturbatory fun left before the election. Dan Savage ecnourages people to masturbate to Christine O’Donnel until election day. If you find Christine O’Donnell even remotely appealing, I encourage you to do so just for fun. I was all excited when I heard that someone was asking for suggestions for the O’Donnell sex act ala Santorum, or Saddlebacking. I personally like the idea of using the term for something that messes up or stops an act of masturbation. As in: I woke up Sunday after a really hot dream and moved my hand down between my legs to finish off what the dream had started. Just as I was getting into it, the cat knocked yesterday’s cold coffee off the dresser and O’Donnelled me. 



 I am officially proclaiming myself as pro-masturbation. There’s very little when it comes to sex that I can even think isn’t “natural.” When I see such ridiculous rhetoric coming from someone running for public office, I get angry. I don’t care if you are morally offended by me masturbating. If you don’t like playing with yourself, that’s your loss. But get the fuck out of my bedroom and my head. While I can’t quite get that excited myself over Christine–she’s not my type–I hope others will feel motivated to at least try.

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